I just want to write. I don't know why, but I am glad that I do. Too often I don't feel like it, or I am too lazy if I do feel like it. Thankfully I am stuck on a plane to one of the most pointless cities in our land, Orlando, and I'm not tired. I don't understand why you’d create an enormous city, put up tons of tourist attractions, and loads of restaurants in a city in Florida that is NOT on the beach. The whole concept just escapes me, probably always will, but hey at least I'm just visiting.
I just finished a great book, there were some small morals to the story, but it was written to entertain people, and I was entertained. It was my wife's book and every time I saw her reading it she was laughing, so I obviously wanted to know what was so funny, so I read it. It was funny, I don't know if it was as funny to me as it was to her because I saw her laugh very hard many times at many different parts and I don’t know if I laughed as hard as she did once throughout reading it. The story kept me though, which is more than I can say about most books I try and read. I've got about 15 books on my lovely IKEA bookshelf at home that I've started, at least once, and have yet to complete. I don't know what it is about reading and me but if I'm not hooked right away I might not be hooked at all and the chances of me finishing fall between probably not and definitely not. Who knows why that happens, maybe I'm just a dude with a short attention span and a propensity to only read magazine and newspaper articles. I probably read for about an hour a day, but where most people would knock out a certain percentage of a book in that time, I read 20 different articles on sports, politics, celebrities, England, Nashville, and whatever else I seem to be fancying that morning.
I'm not sure what I'm thinking about my blog these days. My main man mattgrace bailed on his and since I don't think there is even anyone that reads this thing, I don't know why I still like to write on it every now and again, but I do, maybe it’s just like my journal without the writing, the leather binding or the gold page marker thingee, who knows.
So I talked to a dude who helped lead me to Christ thanks to my ultra-cool verizon aircard while I was in the airport. He was one of the leaders with the group that hosted the conference where I accepted Christ. The guy is solid as a rock and to this day someone I would consider a great friend, even though I haven’t seen him in years. He actually lives in Orlando and when I saw his name pop up on my buddy list I thought I might get to see him, but wouldn’t you know it, he’s in Vancouver, BC for a conference this week. I guess I'll just have to kick it in tourist trap, USA solo for the night tomorrow, but I'll probably live.
Well I don't have much else to say for the ole blog right now. Life is pretty swell. The new job is treating me as good as it could be. I realize that even know though, the desire to work for myself has truly shown itself. I see that now, even though I have an amazing job, working for a boss who truly believes in me, in a position where a significant raise could be on the horizon, working on a project that has visibility to the highest of levels not just within my parent company, but to the media conglomerate that own them…despite all of that, the idea of working for me and nobody else continues to flow through my dome. I realize that working for other people is all well and good, but the only way to truly escape the frustrations of working for someone else, is to not work for anyone else. Hopefully at some point the opportunity to bridge the gap from employee to entrepreneur presents itself, but until then I'll keep doing what I’m doing. My energy and passion that I was often told to quell in the past is what will allow me to succeed in my current job, so I’m pretty jacked about that. There is something to be said if you are round peg who was stuck in a triangular hole for a while, then a square hole, now your are in a round hole and it’s nice to be there. Then you realize, you don’t want to be a peg on someone else’s board you want to be the peg board, you want to have your own board that you designed and that you fill with as many or few pegs as you’d like. That is the realization I’m starting to arrive at and it’s a great realization, which presents a long and difficult road ahead….I'll keep whoever’s reading posted….out….yeah I was doing that before seacrest, so I'm claiming it as mine, and if someone else did it before me, they can have it, as long as he doesn’t get it I'm satisfied…
Monday, May 10, 2004
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
I've had some things in my head for about a week and it's just now that I get to put the fingers to keys to get them out. You know there are those people in your life who you are never sure about why. Why does God continually tell you to pursue certain relationships when the people really are quite rude, inconsiderate, arrogant, selfish, etc. I suppose one reason might be that he puts those people in our lives so we feel, if only in minute proportions, what it's like to be a perfect God and have people continually turn their backs on you. Don't misinterpret that into me saying that I'm a perfect God, I'm an imperfect sinner who continues to amaze himself of the depths of my own internal sin daily. All I'm saying is there are people in my life who day in and day out I've pursued. These aren't people who haven't showed interest in forming a friendship, these are people I'm "friends" with. But why in all of the world if you considered yourself someone's friend would you be an asshole to them? I just don't get it? The most confusing part about all of this, the people in my life who I struggle with this the most.....screeching halt noise
(whoa, timeout from the blog for a second. This lady at my work walked by, she's been going to the tanner and I noticed, but she must've gone yesterday because she's darker than the night sky now. Why do people do that, do they think the unnatural, look at me and all the time I've spent in a tanning booth look is natural...NEWSFLASH - IT'S NOT!)
Ok back to what I was saying. The people in my life who I'm "friends" with, who I see on a regular basis, who I'm pursuing in friendship and trying to encourage to grow in Truth, they are all Christians. What happened to old school Christians, and I'm talking old school. What happened to Christians like Paul, who said he was worse than anyone else, what happened to people like the hooker who took a year's wages worth of perfume (channel or brut I suppose it depends on your year's wages) and poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped it off w/ her hair. Even Judas was aware of the sin in his life and he let it destroy him. I'm not saying that what Judas did was good, but at least he "lived" in his sin. Too many of us now walk around like we've never sinned, except we'll say "I sin all the time". Who cares when, how, what or why you sinned...it doesn't really matter! We all know that we are all sinners, and while that is only a chapter in the amazing story of God's salvation, that's what we often get hung up on. We forget to realize that the cream filling of this Twinkie (props to RD for that line) is not the sin that exists in all of us, it's the everlasting Grace that covers that sin.
I see people who love God with all of their heart, but look at homeless people like they'd look at a murderer on TV. Guess what Mr. Christian, being given the title of Christian, Christ Follower, Lover of Jesus, etc gives you the right to do one thing and one thing only....Love like you've been loved. We aren't called to condemn people for what we see as wrong, we aren't called to know everything - heck we are barely called to know anything, we are simply called to love. Check these out...
John 15:12 My Command is this: Love each other as I have loved you
John 15:17 This is my command: Love each other
John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another
Is that what the church is it today? Is it a haven of love, do we all "love" each other? Do we tolerate each other? These are all things that continually run through my head. Just like the 15 times I've heard people mention that the last place a hooker feels comfortable is in church, because she doesn't want to feel any worse than she already does. What about a drunk, what about a guy who cheats on his wife, what about a homosexual, where do these people go to feel loved...well a lot of them aren't going to church, and that's a problem...because that's why He came, and that's who we are called to chase after. I'm sure most Christians would love to chase after those individuals, but they are just so busy with the kids, with work, you know the building fund at church is kind of a priority right now, I'd love to help but I'm helping out with YMCA soccer this spring, oh I can't be there but is it ok if I write a check? Too many Christians out there forgot that the faith we practice and have only survived generation to generation for the first 1700 or so years it was around through word of mouth and people passing it along and getting their hands dirty. Yes know with the advent of the printing press the gates have been opened and God's word can go places where the people who should be preaching can't or won't, but has that made us lazy...I would contend that to a degree yes it has...and that's just sad.
(whoa, timeout from the blog for a second. This lady at my work walked by, she's been going to the tanner and I noticed, but she must've gone yesterday because she's darker than the night sky now. Why do people do that, do they think the unnatural, look at me and all the time I've spent in a tanning booth look is natural...NEWSFLASH - IT'S NOT!)
Ok back to what I was saying. The people in my life who I'm "friends" with, who I see on a regular basis, who I'm pursuing in friendship and trying to encourage to grow in Truth, they are all Christians. What happened to old school Christians, and I'm talking old school. What happened to Christians like Paul, who said he was worse than anyone else, what happened to people like the hooker who took a year's wages worth of perfume (channel or brut I suppose it depends on your year's wages) and poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped it off w/ her hair. Even Judas was aware of the sin in his life and he let it destroy him. I'm not saying that what Judas did was good, but at least he "lived" in his sin. Too many of us now walk around like we've never sinned, except we'll say "I sin all the time". Who cares when, how, what or why you sinned...it doesn't really matter! We all know that we are all sinners, and while that is only a chapter in the amazing story of God's salvation, that's what we often get hung up on. We forget to realize that the cream filling of this Twinkie (props to RD for that line) is not the sin that exists in all of us, it's the everlasting Grace that covers that sin.
I see people who love God with all of their heart, but look at homeless people like they'd look at a murderer on TV. Guess what Mr. Christian, being given the title of Christian, Christ Follower, Lover of Jesus, etc gives you the right to do one thing and one thing only....Love like you've been loved. We aren't called to condemn people for what we see as wrong, we aren't called to know everything - heck we are barely called to know anything, we are simply called to love. Check these out...
John 15:12 My Command is this: Love each other as I have loved you
John 15:17 This is my command: Love each other
John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another
Is that what the church is it today? Is it a haven of love, do we all "love" each other? Do we tolerate each other? These are all things that continually run through my head. Just like the 15 times I've heard people mention that the last place a hooker feels comfortable is in church, because she doesn't want to feel any worse than she already does. What about a drunk, what about a guy who cheats on his wife, what about a homosexual, where do these people go to feel loved...well a lot of them aren't going to church, and that's a problem...because that's why He came, and that's who we are called to chase after. I'm sure most Christians would love to chase after those individuals, but they are just so busy with the kids, with work, you know the building fund at church is kind of a priority right now, I'd love to help but I'm helping out with YMCA soccer this spring, oh I can't be there but is it ok if I write a check? Too many Christians out there forgot that the faith we practice and have only survived generation to generation for the first 1700 or so years it was around through word of mouth and people passing it along and getting their hands dirty. Yes know with the advent of the printing press the gates have been opened and God's word can go places where the people who should be preaching can't or won't, but has that made us lazy...I would contend that to a degree yes it has...and that's just sad.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Surrender your poverty and acknowledge your nothingness to the Lord. Whether you understand it or not, God loves you, is present in you, lives in you, dwells in you, calls you, saves you and offers you an understanding and compassion which are like nothing you have found in a book or heard in a sermon - Thomas Merton
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Well I must now swallow my words, at least most of them. My company has finally done something very good for me. They've provided me with an opportunity that is not only one I think I will enjoy doing, it's also very "high-profile" in addition to being something I think I'll succeed at. I'm excited about the opportunity. When my now former boss originally told me about it I got in my head that the job would be slightly larger than it is, but it's still more than enough and the opportunities truly are endless. It's a job that will allow me to act like it's my own business and that is very attractive to me. I'm very grateful and hope that I can not only do well in this job, but help myself revamp the negative thoughts I ingrained into my own head about this place.
In other news I haven't talked to a guy who I consider a good friend in a while. Don't worry if you are reading this blog, you aren't that guy. Anyways it just makes me revist my single most important trait I seek in friendship, loyalty. As any of you who are friends with me know, if I am your friend I am your friend to the end and I will do anything I can to help you. It hurts when people you've really poured a lot of your life into and have poured their life into you as well just stop. It's a weird feeling and perhaps I'm a drama queen and need to "be a man" about the whole situation, but that's not really my style. I'm an over-thinking, over-processing kind of guy and that's ok.
Well that's all I feel like writing, if you are my friend, and reading this, and haven't called me in a while, and feel convicted by the above...well if you are my friend you are smart so I don't need to help you with the last step...I'm out....af
In other news I haven't talked to a guy who I consider a good friend in a while. Don't worry if you are reading this blog, you aren't that guy. Anyways it just makes me revist my single most important trait I seek in friendship, loyalty. As any of you who are friends with me know, if I am your friend I am your friend to the end and I will do anything I can to help you. It hurts when people you've really poured a lot of your life into and have poured their life into you as well just stop. It's a weird feeling and perhaps I'm a drama queen and need to "be a man" about the whole situation, but that's not really my style. I'm an over-thinking, over-processing kind of guy and that's ok.
Well that's all I feel like writing, if you are my friend, and reading this, and haven't called me in a while, and feel convicted by the above...well if you are my friend you are smart so I don't need to help you with the last step...I'm out....af
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Reason 12,342,954 America has become what it is today...you know I'm throwing my hat in the ring...why the heck not.....The Benefactor
Monday, March 15, 2004
God is too good. So as any of you who read this, which at this point I'm not sure if there is anyone other than me, which is totally ok, know that I have had a rough time at work lately. I am of course describing that lightly compared to some of my vengeful posts towards my employer, well for now, those are over. No, I did not get in trouble, no, I did not find a new job, yes, I might get a new job. I met with the top dog at my company on Friday and it went surprisingly well. He and I have not had the best of relationships since he arrived about a year and a half ago, but apparently those days are behind us. He was very cool to me in the meeting and said that he has an idea for something for me. He not only said that he has an idea, but told me the area that it would be in. This is the area he is putting the most weight in for our future and the area he continually says is where our future as a company lies. Needless to say, I was pretty excited to receive such wonderful news.
I was humbled to walk out of that office. Amazed that God would grant me not with what I wanted, which was approval to pursue a job within my company in Europe (which I was granted in the same meeting), but He gave me so much more in the opportunity presented to me. Not only that, but he gave us (wife & I) another amazing blessing when Natalie found out on Thursday she'd been promoted. About a month ago Natalie was nervous that a co-worker had been feeding her boss incorrect information about Natalie's performance and was worried about her survival at her company, and here she is less than six weeks later with what is considered a big promotion at her company. I am so proud of her for working hard there and receiving the recognition that is long overdue.
We were talking yesterday in the car about how blown away we both were by God's goodness to us. Why has God chosen us to receive all of these blessings? What does he want us to do with what he's given us? Where is he leading us professionally and financially? These are amazing questions to ask, and very humbling at the same time too. I'm not really sure what He wants from us and I cannot wait to find out. His provision amazes me and all I can say is thank you.
I was humbled to walk out of that office. Amazed that God would grant me not with what I wanted, which was approval to pursue a job within my company in Europe (which I was granted in the same meeting), but He gave me so much more in the opportunity presented to me. Not only that, but he gave us (wife & I) another amazing blessing when Natalie found out on Thursday she'd been promoted. About a month ago Natalie was nervous that a co-worker had been feeding her boss incorrect information about Natalie's performance and was worried about her survival at her company, and here she is less than six weeks later with what is considered a big promotion at her company. I am so proud of her for working hard there and receiving the recognition that is long overdue.
We were talking yesterday in the car about how blown away we both were by God's goodness to us. Why has God chosen us to receive all of these blessings? What does he want us to do with what he's given us? Where is he leading us professionally and financially? These are amazing questions to ask, and very humbling at the same time too. I'm not really sure what He wants from us and I cannot wait to find out. His provision amazes me and all I can say is thank you.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Driving to work today I realized something, I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. I am going to lunch with a guy today who I consistently share all my dislikes about my career with. He used to be in a similar situation, and now he's not, but there are things about even his job that he isn't super happy with now. I'm starting to realize that there is just one simple truth in my life, I was meant to win the lottery. I always joke around and say that and Natalie hates that. She thinks it's unrealistic and dumb to even remotely consider the idea that you were destined to just acquire great wealth without really working for it. I however love entertaining thoughts like that and it helps pull me through some of the monotonous hours and hours I dread going through Monday through Friday.
All that being said, my situation could be a lot worse. I have a meeting with CEO of the division of my company on Friday, very few people get opportunities like this, even fewer get asked to meet with him by him, most people go to him looking for the meeting, he came to me. I have been in the position he put me in for about ten months and I have hated my job at least one day of every week I've been in the job. I don't think that's an exaggeration, I guess it might be a little, but for the most part, I don't like what I do. I don't like the way that certain people at my company are promoted, and I don't like the way quite a few things at my company have gone down. I cannot figure out if I am supposed to stay here, help turn this sinking ship around, if I am even given the opportunity to actually do something of value, or if I'm supposed to bail and just hope that all the people I like and are smart get out before anything too bad happens here. They have started to turn themselves around here, but there is so much stuff that is still under the covers, any of those demons that are currently hiding could pop unannounced and cause serious problems for this company we depend on for 1/2 our household income.
Life outside work is great. I coach a lacrosse team. For the first time I know of in the program's existence we currently have a winning record. Having this is truly an accomplishment and while we are only 2-1, it's better than 1-2 or 0-3, which are both records that this team is more than accustomed to having. I am proud of my guys but we still have a lot of work to do. All of the kids on my team are great, but some of them have some serious baggage. I talked to one kids mom on the phone yesterday for over half an hour and he just has a messed up life. His mom doesn't know how to handle him at this point, he's mad at his dad for remarrying, he quit one private school and got himself kicked out of another and now here he is plopped down into my lap, crap and all. I want nothing for the best for this kid, and I know his parents do to, what they don't realize is that they are a large part of the reason that he is the way he is. I realized even more than I originally thought last night how bad this kid's situation is, and I also realized that when he told me he lies to his parents a lot, he really does. I heard his mom tell me three or four things that she believed to be true about lacrosse that just were completely wrong. I didn't rat the kid out, there was no point in breaking that trust I have with him over the petty things that he's lied about, but I just don't understand why he is doing it. He tried to quit yesterday because I made him run, and I just wonder if he thinks that life is trying to make him run, so he's just decided to quit. His parents want to put him on all sorts of mental meds and have him see all these doctors and while I think some of that can be beneficial, I wonder what it would look like for them to just hang out with one day and remind him that they love him. I realize he would have to be a willing participant in that activity for it to be successful, but all of this has just been a glaring reminder of a few things for me. It has reminded me how much I love high school kids, it's reminded me how much crap some people have to do with in life that is in no way their own fault, and it's made me realize that parenting is hard work, but doing it the right way is the only way. It will never cease to amaze me how many parents just drop the ball and screw up their kids lives just because they didn't want to do the right things at the right times. I think this mother I talked to last night realized her and her ex-husband really dropped the ball on multiple things considering their son and now she'd like to make it better, but her son is already carrying a heavy load of baggage that must be addressed before anything else happens.
Please pray for this family they need it. Pray for me that I can figure out why I've been put in the middle of this mess. Pray for me and my wife, it's fun being married and things are great, but the protection of prayer is something that everyone needs.
I appreciate everyone who reads this. I don't want a site tracker because if you want to let me know you are reading this it's your choice to tell me, I don't need to spy on you...not sure why I put that on the end, but I was feeling like it and it's my blog, so that's reason enough...ciao...af
All that being said, my situation could be a lot worse. I have a meeting with CEO of the division of my company on Friday, very few people get opportunities like this, even fewer get asked to meet with him by him, most people go to him looking for the meeting, he came to me. I have been in the position he put me in for about ten months and I have hated my job at least one day of every week I've been in the job. I don't think that's an exaggeration, I guess it might be a little, but for the most part, I don't like what I do. I don't like the way that certain people at my company are promoted, and I don't like the way quite a few things at my company have gone down. I cannot figure out if I am supposed to stay here, help turn this sinking ship around, if I am even given the opportunity to actually do something of value, or if I'm supposed to bail and just hope that all the people I like and are smart get out before anything too bad happens here. They have started to turn themselves around here, but there is so much stuff that is still under the covers, any of those demons that are currently hiding could pop unannounced and cause serious problems for this company we depend on for 1/2 our household income.
Life outside work is great. I coach a lacrosse team. For the first time I know of in the program's existence we currently have a winning record. Having this is truly an accomplishment and while we are only 2-1, it's better than 1-2 or 0-3, which are both records that this team is more than accustomed to having. I am proud of my guys but we still have a lot of work to do. All of the kids on my team are great, but some of them have some serious baggage. I talked to one kids mom on the phone yesterday for over half an hour and he just has a messed up life. His mom doesn't know how to handle him at this point, he's mad at his dad for remarrying, he quit one private school and got himself kicked out of another and now here he is plopped down into my lap, crap and all. I want nothing for the best for this kid, and I know his parents do to, what they don't realize is that they are a large part of the reason that he is the way he is. I realized even more than I originally thought last night how bad this kid's situation is, and I also realized that when he told me he lies to his parents a lot, he really does. I heard his mom tell me three or four things that she believed to be true about lacrosse that just were completely wrong. I didn't rat the kid out, there was no point in breaking that trust I have with him over the petty things that he's lied about, but I just don't understand why he is doing it. He tried to quit yesterday because I made him run, and I just wonder if he thinks that life is trying to make him run, so he's just decided to quit. His parents want to put him on all sorts of mental meds and have him see all these doctors and while I think some of that can be beneficial, I wonder what it would look like for them to just hang out with one day and remind him that they love him. I realize he would have to be a willing participant in that activity for it to be successful, but all of this has just been a glaring reminder of a few things for me. It has reminded me how much I love high school kids, it's reminded me how much crap some people have to do with in life that is in no way their own fault, and it's made me realize that parenting is hard work, but doing it the right way is the only way. It will never cease to amaze me how many parents just drop the ball and screw up their kids lives just because they didn't want to do the right things at the right times. I think this mother I talked to last night realized her and her ex-husband really dropped the ball on multiple things considering their son and now she'd like to make it better, but her son is already carrying a heavy load of baggage that must be addressed before anything else happens.
Please pray for this family they need it. Pray for me that I can figure out why I've been put in the middle of this mess. Pray for me and my wife, it's fun being married and things are great, but the protection of prayer is something that everyone needs.
I appreciate everyone who reads this. I don't want a site tracker because if you want to let me know you are reading this it's your choice to tell me, I don't need to spy on you...not sure why I put that on the end, but I was feeling like it and it's my blog, so that's reason enough...ciao...af