Driving to work today I realized something, I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. I am going to lunch with a guy today who I consistently share all my dislikes about my career with. He used to be in a similar situation, and now he's not, but there are things about even his job that he isn't super happy with now. I'm starting to realize that there is just one simple truth in my life, I was meant to win the lottery. I always joke around and say that and Natalie hates that. She thinks it's unrealistic and dumb to even remotely consider the idea that you were destined to just acquire great wealth without really working for it. I however love entertaining thoughts like that and it helps pull me through some of the monotonous hours and hours I dread going through Monday through Friday.

All that being said, my situation could be a lot worse. I have a meeting with CEO of the division of my company on Friday, very few people get opportunities like this, even fewer get asked to meet with him by him, most people go to him looking for the meeting, he came to me. I have been in the position he put me in for about ten months and I have hated my job at least one day of every week I've been in the job. I don't think that's an exaggeration, I guess it might be a little, but for the most part, I don't like what I do. I don't like the way that certain people at my company are promoted, and I don't like the way quite a few things at my company have gone down. I cannot figure out if I am supposed to stay here, help turn this sinking ship around, if I am even given the opportunity to actually do something of value, or if I'm supposed to bail and just hope that all the people I like and are smart get out before anything too bad happens here. They have started to turn themselves around here, but there is so much stuff that is still under the covers, any of those demons that are currently hiding could pop unannounced and cause serious problems for this company we depend on for 1/2 our household income.

Life outside work is great. I coach a lacrosse team. For the first time I know of in the program's existence we currently have a winning record. Having this is truly an accomplishment and while we are only 2-1, it's better than 1-2 or 0-3, which are both records that this team is more than accustomed to having. I am proud of my guys but we still have a lot of work to do. All of the kids on my team are great, but some of them have some serious baggage. I talked to one kids mom on the phone yesterday for over half an hour and he just has a messed up life. His mom doesn't know how to handle him at this point, he's mad at his dad for remarrying, he quit one private school and got himself kicked out of another and now here he is plopped down into my lap, crap and all. I want nothing for the best for this kid, and I know his parents do to, what they don't realize is that they are a large part of the reason that he is the way he is. I realized even more than I originally thought last night how bad this kid's situation is, and I also realized that when he told me he lies to his parents a lot, he really does. I heard his mom tell me three or four things that she believed to be true about lacrosse that just were completely wrong. I didn't rat the kid out, there was no point in breaking that trust I have with him over the petty things that he's lied about, but I just don't understand why he is doing it. He tried to quit yesterday because I made him run, and I just wonder if he thinks that life is trying to make him run, so he's just decided to quit. His parents want to put him on all sorts of mental meds and have him see all these doctors and while I think some of that can be beneficial, I wonder what it would look like for them to just hang out with one day and remind him that they love him. I realize he would have to be a willing participant in that activity for it to be successful, but all of this has just been a glaring reminder of a few things for me. It has reminded me how much I love high school kids, it's reminded me how much crap some people have to do with in life that is in no way their own fault, and it's made me realize that parenting is hard work, but doing it the right way is the only way. It will never cease to amaze me how many parents just drop the ball and screw up their kids lives just because they didn't want to do the right things at the right times. I think this mother I talked to last night realized her and her ex-husband really dropped the ball on multiple things considering their son and now she'd like to make it better, but her son is already carrying a heavy load of baggage that must be addressed before anything else happens.

Please pray for this family they need it. Pray for me that I can figure out why I've been put in the middle of this mess. Pray for me and my wife, it's fun being married and things are great, but the protection of prayer is something that everyone needs.

I appreciate everyone who reads this. I don't want a site tracker because if you want to let me know you are reading this it's your choice to tell me, I don't need to spy on you...not sure why I put that on the end, but I was feeling like it and it's my blog, so that's reason enough...ciao...af